Just The Juan You Wanted To See!

Believe it if you won't or even if you will, I am back and I am still alive!

This may please some of you and annoy others, but I don't really give a Steve as I have given up on trusting people. And by the way i've been looking from afar, one step ahead of the game trying to see what they were going to do next to re-capture me, and I have to say "Who the f$%k is M@X, he is no friend of mine, haven't a clue who he is but assume it was a pathetic attempt by one of them to lure you lot into giving them clues. God my sentances are long!

Anyway I managed to uberpower a guard and break free as they were transporting me from my cell, deep in a wooded area just north of West Mailmisermakinny. I knew that I had limited time before the quantity of guardsmen found me, so I decided that I only had one option. This was to head South. Literally in fact as I started digging a tunnel down from the clearing (Jasper), I was in at the time with no tools apart from my bare hands, a tooth from a Shark Jason I aquired when I was in Germany and a claw I found near the prison, which had obviously come from the third toe from the left on the right hand paw of a very mature Ardel O' Hamster.

I dug for what felt like 14 weeks but as it turned out, it was only about 13 weeks and 5 days. I then decided that I should be far enough from any trouble, so I started to dig to the surface. After a few hours, I finally broke through the topsoil to be greeted by beautiful sunshine. I remember remarking to myself about it. I put my head up had a good look around and I was delighted, if not a little surprised to find myself right between the L and the Y of the Hollywood sign on the side of Mount Lee in the Hollywood Hills.

This of course pleased me more than usual, so I thought as I was fairly safe I would take the opportunity to check out some local species, as this was an area I had never imagined visiting as I don't favour Americans.

Well I hunted high and low and occaisionally at a partial height and found some beasts I had only ever seen pictures of in "A-list Shit" gazette. Here is what I saw in the Beverley Hills area. mmm

Ground Life

The Partially Glazed Tom Hanks Hamster
A Raging Bull called Nathan
The Silverscreen Bison with a Goldie Horn
Mr Ed
The Creosoted Des O'Conner Smile Horse

Air Life

The Owl Pacino
The Flying Pickett
The Floating Nigel Hawthorn
The Homeless Lynx Cat with Jude Law's Head
The Lights, Camera, Action Llama called Stacey

Aquatic Beings

The Robert De Nemo
The Skate Winslet
The Michael Jackson Playgroup Munching Sword Fish McSlutbucket
Prince's Flaked Tuna
Daryl Hannah

This is just a taster of things I sawd within seconds of arriving so I will stay a while and spy more to deliver to your door, I shall be in touch very soon people, Juan is alive and he is in the land of dreams! Well America anyway.

Farewell you bunch of queer Simons